I walked off my XC course on Sunday and just shook my head. A grimace was plastered across my face, and my reins draped across my horses neck. Sweat dripped from his neck and mine, and I took one deep slow breath.
Because two jumps from the end, we had had a stop. And not just one stop, but two.
Mak had never seen the duck pond at the Kentucky Horse Park, and yet at the Area 8 Championships, it had popped up on course. We had a log pile 1 stride to a severe decline into the boggy water. And the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey had deposited an additional 4″ to the bog.
We had cruised around the first 7/8ths of the course in harmony. It was our 4th event at training level, and our goals were finally starting to synchronize.
Photo by XPress Photos
It was less kicking and praying and more plotting and organizing.
It was less “let’s get through this” and more “let’s improve on our training.”
And it was less “finish on a number” and more “finish strong.”
And I thought we were.
Until my horse decided he was petrified of that bog, and I mentally watched that glaring TWENTY pop up in front of my cerebellum.
I circled back, tried to get him in front of my leg, popped him off his forehand and approached again.
And he stopped…again.
The twenty switched to sixty, and I felt my shoulders drop and my brain shut down. I was fully prepared for my horses first elimination in his 5 years of eventing, and contemplated simply retiring. He was legitimately scared of this obstacle in front of him, and rightfully so.
I almost raised my hand, and then quickly lowered it back down.
Because I realized something in that millisecond.
My horse was still young, and in a sense, green.
My riding was still improving, and I was by no means a professional.
And I needed to stop caring about the record and start caring about the progress.
Photo by Xpress Photos
I circled back one more time and achieved the canter I had wanted the first. I picked Mak up, wrapped his barrel with my legs, half halted 4 strides out, and DROVE.
And in 3, 2, 1 he lifted from the ground, popped over the log pile, took one stride to the water and cantered right through.
We popped over the last two fences in a strong gallop and then came back to the walk to cool out.
Photo by Xpress Photos
And as I shook my head, trying to dissipate the grimace from my face, I saw my trainer Allie. And where I expected a similar expression on her own face, instead I saw a huge smile.
Because Allie told me that she finally saw me RIDE. She has watched my riding progress for the last 5 years and knows that when I panic, I PANIC. I go into the fetal position and lean, instead of sitting up and driving.
And yet this time, it was different. This time, my brain functioned like a true equestrian. She said she could see my thought process from 100 yards away and that it was awesome to finally see me think my way through a problem instead of growl.
And with those simple words, I realized that I had accomplished yet another goal of this year.
My record might not be progressing, but my riding is.
And isn’t that why we are supposed to be in this game? 90% of us are out there competing as a hobby, and those 4’s and 40’s don’t effect anything but our brains and ego’s.
And yet this “hobby” is all consuming to so many. We live and die by it, and therefore we log onto our accounts on USEventing and grimace and sigh at those blemishes.
I jokingly said on Sunday night that I wish there was a comment box next to each event on my record.
Next to our stop at the down bank 3 years ago I would write: “Rider developed strange phobia of down banks and halted willing horse.”
Next to our 12 jump faults from two years ago I would write: “Rider decided to enter horse into in and out at angle, and then epically failed.”
And next to this past weekend I would write: “Boggy water had actual swimming sharks, and after an initial appraisal, rider remembered how to ride and convinced horse to go swimming with them.”
Because that is how I feel right now. My horse was legitimately scared of something, and yet he trusted me enough to try it. It might have taken 2 circles and 45 seconds, but he did it.
And we both grew from the experience.
I know that the next time that damned bog is on course that Mak will be much more willing.
And I know that the next time I am faced with an issue like that that I will ride.
For the record, I am a better eventer than I give myself credit for.
For the record, I own a horse that is trying his heart out every time I saddle him.
For the record, I had a lot of fun this weekend even if my record looks like I should be frowning.
Because for the record, I’m done riding for my record.
Photo by Photography in Stride
A Yankee in Paris 
Another milestone reached!
Sounds like you’re winning to me…
Success is not without failure…in fact, it is because of failure. Good job, both of you!
Successful people are successful because they’ve failed more times than everyone else. Well done & enjoy the ride!!!! I always love reading your blogs, and the most recent have made me really excited to get out there and compete with my young horse. Building blocks first though….
Thanks for sharing your journey! That’s the destination :o)
I loved this story!!!! It really is the journey. Thanks for sharing
Amazing post. Thank you for writing this!! 🙂
Well done! Yup, it’s those moments where we have to dog deep that make us better riders. Congrats!!
I loved this! We totally need to add the comment section to our scores. “I was in 3rd, and my running martingale broke and was repeatedly slapping my horse in the head. After 60 seconds of repairing it, we jumped clean and still got dead last.” Hahaha
I just wrote a post on my blog about a similar xc situation with a rather different ending than yours. You can check it out if you want! http://www.bitsandbroadheads.com/the-dragon-goes-to-a-recognized-event/
That made tears come to my eyes.
What an uplifting sharing of something I was once told and have held to my heart as *the* greatest compliment to my skill as a trainer and rider – ‘you are a thinking rider’.
Nothing like it, is there, when your brain overides your instinct to tighten up, and suddenly you can see that path, see what you have to do to weave through each reaction and reaction and get out at the far end?
It’s the ultimate chess match and you and your horse are on the winning side.
Well done!!
Oh YEAH!!!!!
Well done. Your horses will thank you for it.
You go girl!
Xx from this hoss doc in NZ
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I relate so much to all of what you share. I too can ride when I get out of my head and just RIDE. Every.Single.Trainer I’ve EVER ridden with has told me this, including Denny. Now if I could just believe it myself 😉
Thank you for this! It’s so easy to get caught up in the perfection and the performance when you are riding green horses, or introducing to horses to new things, especially when they are typically so confident in other areas. Having a young TB, I need to remind myself of this during each outing. It’s about the forward progress, not the ribbons, not the medals. It’s about accomplishing things that we have never done before!
This is beautiful. 🙂 EVERYONE who competes needs to read this beautiful and so very, very wise article. 🙂 We need more riders like the author, those who understand that a ribbon and a place and a win is a fine thing, but nothing is finer than horsmanship, than companionship, than going out and doing the best job possible each time, and damn the ribbon that comes with it.
I have a mare who would have been an amazing CDE (carriage driving eventing) mare…but between time and money and both of us being green on green…she’s 18 this year, and it’s not going to happen. She’s done a bit, shown here and there and done well when she’s gotten out…but she’s never had the campaign she deserved, and that’s my failing to her.
Some days I feel like I wasted her potential, but then I remember. Every show we got to, every time we schooled, every time I picked up a kid and drove them around in our cart…We achieved something more valuable than a show record, and more wonderful than a ribbon. I’ve spent hours of my life on her back, at her side, and in the box seat behind her. And those hours are precious beyond words, not because we had anything to prove, or anything to win, but we had the chance to gain experience and knowledge. And so next time, when the next green mare comes my way…I will be ready and able and willing, because Loppy taught me how to train, how to overcome, and how to *be a partner*.
I have learned more from my mare than I could have ever hoped, and I like to think that I have taught her to trust me as a partner as well.
Carleigh,
you two are fabulous for each other!! I’m very happy that Allie had the reaction that she did and said what she did to you! I think it’s a little funny, after reading all of your blog it all sounds a lot like things that happened with my last horse! I was writing all about it but I guess it got too long because it cut me off. So I’ll have to tell you about it next time I see you. You
and Mak are perfect for each other! I’m soo happy for you !!